Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I think I am slowly becoming an emotionless robot...

It's become strangely easy for me to cut ties with people in the past year or two.  I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing.  Of all the people I've come to know this far in my life, I feel like only a small fraction were really even worth getting to know.  Most friendships formed were temporary and meaningless.  It feels almost good to get rid of the ones that don't matter.  Like I don't even get that "ripping the band-aid off" initial sting anymore.  It's like just one of those things I've learned through out the years: People come and people go.  'nuff said.

And I don't think I know how to trust people anymore.  I don't really trust anyone with the exception of a select few.  I don't really consider this bad, but simply a necessary thing. 

And also, it's strange to see people you once knew becoming something ugly.  I feel like the majority of people I once knew have become alcoholics and/or drug addicts.  I condone of having fun every once in a while, but on a nightly basis it becomes a little excessive and very destructive.  It's sad to see these people waste their potential.  The truly sad part is how they see this life style as a positive thing and as something worth praising when in reality, they are going nowhere with their lives.  It's upsetting to me.  And I feel like I almost got sucked into this fantasy world of forever partying and so called "fun".  There comes a time when we all have to grow up, but I suppose some people never do. 

I don't want to throw my life away.  I want to enjoy life.  I want to be happy.  And I've realized, most of these people don't even seem happy.

I don't know.  I know I feel the happiest when I'm being productive, making things, creating.  It's like I could erase all these people from my past and feel nothing.  Is that bad?  I could've gone without knowing a lot of people.  It almost feels like a cleansing experience to get rid of the people who don't matter.  I want to surround myself with good people who are actually worth knowing.  I feel like it's time for a Facebook friend purge.  A delete button frenzy.  Congrats if you make the cut.

In other news........
I got new boots.  It was my Christmas present to me. :)

And Someone commissioned this painting from me!  It's my first sold painting. Becca Kinkoph original! haha :)

And I also painted this! Just for fun though, it wasn't sold.