Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I think I am slowly becoming an emotionless robot...

It's become strangely easy for me to cut ties with people in the past year or two.  I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing.  Of all the people I've come to know this far in my life, I feel like only a small fraction were really even worth getting to know.  Most friendships formed were temporary and meaningless.  It feels almost good to get rid of the ones that don't matter.  Like I don't even get that "ripping the band-aid off" initial sting anymore.  It's like just one of those things I've learned through out the years: People come and people go.  'nuff said.

And I don't think I know how to trust people anymore.  I don't really trust anyone with the exception of a select few.  I don't really consider this bad, but simply a necessary thing. 

And also, it's strange to see people you once knew becoming something ugly.  I feel like the majority of people I once knew have become alcoholics and/or drug addicts.  I condone of having fun every once in a while, but on a nightly basis it becomes a little excessive and very destructive.  It's sad to see these people waste their potential.  The truly sad part is how they see this life style as a positive thing and as something worth praising when in reality, they are going nowhere with their lives.  It's upsetting to me.  And I feel like I almost got sucked into this fantasy world of forever partying and so called "fun".  There comes a time when we all have to grow up, but I suppose some people never do. 

I don't want to throw my life away.  I want to enjoy life.  I want to be happy.  And I've realized, most of these people don't even seem happy.

I don't know.  I know I feel the happiest when I'm being productive, making things, creating.  It's like I could erase all these people from my past and feel nothing.  Is that bad?  I could've gone without knowing a lot of people.  It almost feels like a cleansing experience to get rid of the people who don't matter.  I want to surround myself with good people who are actually worth knowing.  I feel like it's time for a Facebook friend purge.  A delete button frenzy.  Congrats if you make the cut.

In other news........
I got new boots.  It was my Christmas present to me. :)

And Someone commissioned this painting from me!  It's my first sold painting. Becca Kinkoph original! haha :)

And I also painted this! Just for fun though, it wasn't sold.


  1. great boots, beccadear!! i know what you mean. it is sad, but realistic, to be okay with people coming and going - and also for people you love to changes and sometimes in ways that you don't wish they would.

    but as long as you are happy, that is what matters! and make the most of those relationships that you do treasure.

    paha oh my god, i am seriously sounding preachy and mushy. so sorry about that.

  2. thanks for the sweet comment! oh man, carla bruni just came on... i love her (: